Small step = really big leap for me

I made the phone call today that I've been putting off making for at least the past 2 weeks. When I tell you about it, you might think, yeah, so? What's the big deal? But, this is one phone call I have found very good reason to NOT make, even though I knew it had to be done - eventually.

I've been really busy you know. I haven't had much time and when I do think about it - it's 11:52 pm, and that's just too late for making phone calls. And then, spring break happened. No one will be there to answer the phone - excellent excuse!. "I'll call soon enough", I tell myself. If I make that phone call . . . then that will mean that my little girl is really, truly growing up. I don't think I want to admit that . . . not yet . . .

But, finally today, I did it, despite my innermost desire to NOT. I already had the number entered in my cell phone, so it wasn't hard to locate - no excuse there - darn! However, I knew it had to be done, and now, sooner than later.

"Just 7 numbers. Do it - OK - NOW!" I did it!

And - when I finally punched those 7 numbers into my phone and asked for the registrar at our neighborhood high school, I got transferred and promptly - cut off. Busy signal. "You've got to be kidding me! Maybe I'll just wait till tomorrow," I think.

But I ignored that inner voice speaking to my insecurities, and I didn't wait. I called back to hear some unfriendly person who transferred me, yet again, to the registrar. This time, I got her voice mail. Come on people! Don't you know how hard this is for me? "Couldn't you make this the slightest bit simpler for me?"

I get her voice mail - Carol isn't available, but if I leave my name and number, she'll call me back. "OK - this could be a good thing. If it doesn't happen today, it won't be for a lack of trying on my part." " She doesn't know me. She's never heard of me. Will she really call me back?" Leave a message. Beep.

I left my message and hung up. Not 5 minutes later, my phone rang. Check caller ID - bummer - it's the high school! I answered as a woman on the other end identifies herself as Mrs. Somethingorother from the high school. Wait? What happened to Carol who told me to leave her a message? I guess this is her. I guess I won't be calling her Ms. Carol, like I'm used to at our little bubble of a school, I guess it's Mrs. Somethingorother. Hi.

I get all the details about everything I have to do so the school district knows my child exists and so that she can start high school in the fall. It doesn't sound all that difficult. But then - it doesn't sound all that easy either. Birth certificate. Proof of residence. Paperwork to fill out. Electives. Course catalogs. Websites.

My brain wants to stop this information. Mrs. Somethingorother talks and I semi-tune-out her voice and think, "Can I just have a do-over? Can Madi go back to kindergarten? Can we do the past 9 years over again? Can she just be 5 again? Can we go back to birthday circles and first night celebrations, field trips to the fire station, and chapter book parties and Mother's Day Teas? Is there any way I can find a way to get that little girl back again?"

Snap back to reality and listen to Mrs. Somethingorother. She speaks, but now she sounds more like Carol than Mrs. Somethingorother as she asks, almost sensing my trepidation, "Are you ready mom? I always ask the moms - the kids are always ready - it's the moms who aren't."

Am I ready Carol?

Of course I'm not ready . . .

. . . but she - well SHE - definitely IS!