Toddler on the Loose

I can't say this with absolute certainty, but I am pretty sure that Ben officially became a toddler on Monday. Although he's not officially walking, he is officially mobile & thinks he can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants, and that he can get into whatever wants, whenever he wants. Notice the red face in this picture? That would be red marker - thankfully washable & non-toxic. He was hanging out with Lacey while I was putting a load of laundry in the washer. He grabbed a red marker & who knew - he can take the lids off the markers! Being a typical toddler, Ben promptly put the marker in his mouth. I have never seen a tongue so red! The marker was on his shirt, his pants, his socks, his hands, and of course, his mouth.
I wish I could have a gotten a picture of that tongue. On Monday Ben also opened his first cabinet in the kitchen & began removing everything he could as quickly as possible. He ended his rite of passage into toddlerdom with a glorious poop that resulted in a major mess & a necessary bath.
He succeeded in grossing out his sisters and making them gag & leave the room! If he were a little older, he would be so proud!


Ben's day reminded me of an e-mail I got when Katie was about 1 1/2 entitled "Toddler Rules". I thought it was so great & so true that I have saved it all this time. If you have ever had a toddler in your life, you will relate to this - especially if you have had one recently and the memory is fresh!

TODDLER RULES

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.

If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am toddler!