Smug no more

I'll admit it, I've been smug. Not outwardly smug, but smug nonetheless. While many friends and strangers have talked about the difficulties of raising energetic, mischievous, exhausting little boys, I have sat quietly, thinking to myself, "I am so glad I don't have such difficulties. My little guy is just about perfect in every way. He's calm and quiet and for the most part, stays out of trouble. How lucky am I?" Certainly Ben has always had his occasional moments of imperfection, but for the most part, wow - what an amazing, gentle, sweet little boy.

But it's a new world folks and . . . if any of you have had the pleasure of raising energetic, mischievous, and often exhausting little boys (or girls), please accept my humble apologies for my inward smugness. I have been sufficiently chastened as my practically perfect little boy has turned into an energetic, mischievous, exhausting, and at times, a down-right naughty stinker. Call it delayed "terrible two's" or "early adolescence" - whatever it is, it's a new phase of life that I am not exactly welcoming with open arms. Where gentle, easy-going, calm, and sweet described the Ben of the past, stubborn, loud, argumentative, strong-willed, bossy, and sassy suit him much better now.

Hmmmm sounds like 3 other people I know quite well - but that's a different story. There's just something in these genes . . .


Stubborn Ben in Action -

Here is Ben on Halloween night, wearing his favorite shirt. He refused to get dressed in his pirate costume, adamantly declaring, "I don't want my pirate." It didn't matter how many times we tried, he only dug his heels in deeper with each attempt. So, his costume ended up consisting of a little drawn-on facial hair (remnants of the pirate costume), his favorite orange shirt and a straw cowboy hat. He thought he was totally cool.

Yesterday Ben got mad at me because I didn't put the right shoes on his feet. Then today, he wanted to wear a pair of too-small, size 18-month jeans rather than the new outfit I had for him to wear. I swear that when I had similar situations with my girls, mothers of little boys would shake their heads and tell me, "oh my son wears whatever I lay out on his bed. He doesn't care." Well - not my boy. I have lived for years under the illusion that I would have a little boy and I would get to dress him up just the way I wanted.

When Ben has decided something in his mind, there's no convincing him of a different possibility. For example, this morning while we were on a walk & observing some landscape workers, we had the following exchange:

Ben - "Mom, what are those guys doing?"
Mom - "It looks like they're trimming the trees."
Ben (about 30 seconds later & seriously yelling at me) - "They are not trimming trees, Mom, they're working!"
Mom - "OK, Ben."

Ben & I have this conversation on a regular basis -

Ben (talking to mom, usually at about 10 in the morning ) - "Mom, daddy's coming home?"
Mom - "Yes Ben, daddy is coming home. He always comes home."
Ben (getting a little angry) - No, daddy's coming home!
Mom - "Yes, Ben I know - but not till a little later when he's done with work."
Ben (yelling) - "No, my daddy's coming home!"
this little exchange can be repeated indefinitely until I finally give up and say, "OK, Ben, whatever you say." To me we're saying the same thing, that daddy's coming home. But - I think Ben wants me to admit that daddy's coming home sooner than he actually is.

Naughty Ben in Action:

Last Sunday Ben was in destructive mode. In one day he:

- stamped Lacey's cream-colored velvet dress with a black, permanent ink stamp before we ever got to church

- colored with black sharpie on the Barbie, yellow VW Bug

- colored with ink pen on the office chair

- decorated his shirt with 42 cent stamps

Ben has started running from us in parking lots. There's just nothing funny about that!

When he gets a hold of something he's not supposed to have, he screams and runs away from me with the object in hand then throws it - as if to say, "If I can't have it, you most definitely can't have it."

Ben is really into throwing himself on the ground & makes punching movements all in the name of play - and while screaming or making very loud sound effects.

Oh there's so much more - like when I told him to leave the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and he looked me right in the eye and said, "no, I'm not," or when he pulls his sisters' hair, or when he tries to tell Brad what to do or throws his magnet toys off the refrigerator door onto the floor on purpose, or when he . . . . I could go on! Stubborn? Yes! Loud? Yes! Argumentative? Yes! Sassy? Yes!

Oh well, I guess I had a good ride while it lasted. I should be grateful for that, right? I should have seen the "new" Ben on the horizon when he started the "arch-your-back-and-refuse-to-get-buckled-in-your-car-seat" fight about 2 months ago. I remember thinking then - "well, we're four-for-four when it comes to this fight. I can now say that I have mastered the feat of pushing a writhing child's body into a car seat with one hand, while buckling a 5-point buckle with the other, all in under 1 minute. I think I deserve some sort of award for that. It took me 4 kids to conquer this challenge, but now I stand victorious! I can even do it in extreme circumstances including suffocating heat, rain, and near-frigid temperatures. As I was complaining to my mom the other day, she said, "well, at least you got in 2 good years!" This is true, and now, I really appreciate the tiny glimpses of the sweet and gentle Ben of the past that peek through the new Ben very occasionally. But then, he catches himself, and off he goes to discover more ways to initiate his parents in the raising of an energetic, mischievous, exhausting little boy.