Caution - Transition ahead!

In my True Confessions blog post, you learned all about my distaste for transition, endings, and venturing outside my comfort zone. I eventually work through these things, but not without putting up a fight. Well, this past Sunday, all three were forced upon me, and I had absolutely no control. All I could do was say OK and do my best to keep a stiff upper lip and accept it all. Let's just say, I didn't do so great. The upper lip was far from stiff, and the tears flowed in abundance. I was not prepared for this transition - I knew it would come - just not quite yet, please. But as Brad reminded me, I am not in control. This was very apparent two weeks ago when Brad and I got a visit from the Stake President. As much as I was hoping this was just a little social call to see how things were going with the bishop and his wife, I knew it wasn't. After all, the stake president had never paid a social call to our home in almost 5 years, so why would he start doing so now? No, he came to tell us that changes (oh gasp!) are on the horizon and that a new bishop had been called (why does it bother me that this happens before the old bishop even knows about it? It feels so sneaky in a way - but I guess it's just one of the many things I'll simply never understand). He then told us that Brad would be released a week from that coming Sunday. What?! You mean this is over? You mean I have to go through another transition in my life when this is familiar and comfortable and good? You mean Heavenly Father doesn't want us to do this anymore? He says we're done? Why didn't he tell me about this and why do I feel so sad inside? So I spent a week and a half leading up to the release with a pit in my belly, dealing with sporadic and instantaneous outbursts of emotion, feeling like everything was changing and I didn't want them to because I was happy with the way things were . . .

The very new & very green Bishop Brad - June 1, 2003

A seasoned veteran of "bishopdom" about to be released - Bishop Brad - February 17, 2008

. . . I know that to many, it would seem that we would be relieved and happy to be released from such a weighty and time-consuming position. I am sure that Brad has felt some relief as many burdens rest upon the shoulder of the bishop. Brad also gave up many, many hours to fulfill his responsibilities, and we were without him all during that time. Knowing my reaction to transition, you can imagine that the first year that Brad was bishop was very tough for our family. It took a lot of adjusting and the tears and disappointments, murmurings and feelings of loneliness (mostly from me - a little from the girls) were present for much of that first year. Regardless of the struggles, much joy came to our hearts as we had the opportunity to serve in this capacity.

As we became familiar with all that was required of Brad's new calling, our family eventually fell into a new rhythm of life as the family of the bishop. Then it just became a part of us. It became familiar and we felt blessed as we sacrificed time together. In fact, over the past year, it did not feel like much of a sacrifice at all. As the bishop's family, the calling enters into so much of what you do each day, from what came in the mail to the amount of white shirts washed in the laundry each week to the number of phone calls we received and the way we scheduled our time. If is difficult to completely quantify the amount of time that Brad gave in service during his bishop experience, but I would guess that he spent an average of 13 to 15 hours each week in meetings alone, totaling over 3600 hours. On top of that, add time for tithing settlement each year (probably an additional 15 hours each year), time spent on phone calls, time spent thinking about the calling or time spent reading, preparing, and studying in order to have the inspiration necessary to fulfill the calling. So - though literally thousands of hours were given in this service, the joy and blessings we have received from giving this service cannot be quantified. You just can't calculate the worth of prayers offered on your behalf, or the worth of kindness and service given to you by others as a gesture of thanks. You can't measure the love you develop for those your serve or the love that sustains your family as you go through this experience together. I will immensely miss all that cannot quantified!

Then and Now -

Our family during the first year of the bishop experience - November 1, 2003

Our family - almost 5 years later - February 17, 2008

I have come to the conclusion that my struggle with this transition is the realization that this time of our lives is over. The release is a concrete reminder to me that time passes & life flies by, and chapter by chapter our life stories unfold, and one day, our book about our time on earth will end. When Brad was called, Madi was 7, Katie was 4, Lacey was 1, and Ben wasn't even a thought in our minds. Lacey has never even known what it is like to have her dad sit with her in Sacrament Meeting, except when we left town. Where has the past 5 years gone?

What has happened in our family history in 5 years? To name a few things - a move, growing girls, 4 miscarriages, a new baby boy- turned toddler, a long illness & subsequent passing of my grandmother, lost teeth, trips up the No. California coast, Oregon, Idaho, San Francisco, Hawaii, San Diego, the cabin, Grandma Judy & Granddad's house, Disneyland, Sea World, and Legoland, as well as Washington DC. We have experienced the every day struggles of life - tax seasons, sisters fighting, stress, sickness, tears, school programs and dance recitals, countless hours working on homework, going to dance class, preparing and eating meals, loads of laundry, joy, health, happiness - and much of this with Brad away. And with Brad's release this past Sunday, this chapter is now closed.

So now, whether I want to or not, we start a new chapter. I will work through this transition and this ending, and once again will find a new rhythm of life - one similar to what we had before, but have temporarily forgotten. So I say goodbye to this chapter, knowing that I will miss exchanging smiles with Brad from the stand, and I will miss the words of assurance and love from ward members. I will miss watching my husband lead in such a role, and I will miss hearing his spiritual messages as he speaks from the pulpit. However, I will not miss the hours of his absence from our home, and I will welcome not only his physical presence, but his mental presence as well. Just think of what we can do with those newly found 700+ hours of life we'll have this year - who knows, maybe we'll start going on Sunday afternoon walks again. I think we will have to work very diligently so that we fill those hours with what the Lord wants us to do, rather than with what we want to do, for I feel this new-found time is both precious and sacred. As this new chapter unfolds, I find comfort in the words from one of my favorite hymns (as my poor soul is rarely, rarely still) -

Be Still My Soul -

from verse 1
"leave to the God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

and verse 2
"Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.