thinking about grandma

I have been thinking a lot about my grandma this past week or so. In August she would have been 87, but she left this earth several months after her 85th birthday. I can hardly believe that in January, she will have been gone for 2 years. This picture is from Christmas 2003, and for as long as I can remember, grandma was always with us every Christmas, every mother's day, every special occasion. Her family was small - just my mom & her sister (& sister's children) & my siblings. We were the only grandchildren who lived nearby, so we were spoiled because we didn't have to share her with anyone. The picture below shows grandma on a Christmas morning long ago with me, Dawnae & Phillip. She lived in town, but on Christmas Eve would come over & spend the night at our house and open presents with us in the morning. I can still hear the little shuffle of her walk as her slippers glided across the kitchen floor. She always wore her robe & her slippers.

My grandma was an independent lady who spent much of her life alone. One time when I was a little girl I remember asking her if she ever got lonely because she lived all by herself. I remember her telling me that she enjoyed being alone & really didn't get lonely. This was hard for my little-girl brain to comprehend, since all I knew was a house full of a mom & dad & plenty of crazy kids, but I was impressed. She was never the kind of "cozy" grandma who would bake you treats or signal for you to cuddle up with her while she read you a story. So, when she made those wreath Christmas cookies, decorated with red hots and made out of cornflakes & melted marshmellows that were colored green, it was really a big deal. Even though she wasn't a "cozy" grandma, we knew she loved us. When I was probably about 10 or 11, I used to occasionally spend the night at her house on a Friday night. This was always a great adventure for me & I loved every minute of it. We would play games like Scrabble or watch TV. She would always warn me that she liked to brew a little coffee in the morning and that even though my family didn't drink coffee, she did like it. That was fine with me - I loved the smell!

That picture above from 2003 is the last picture I have of grandma when she is in good health. Shortly after that picture was taken, she suffered from a series of debilitating falls that ended up affecting her quality and quantity of life. Her first fall resulted in months of rehabilitation, a less than stable walk, and a frustrated soul. Just when we thought she was turning the corner toward recovery, she suffered another very serious fall that caused severe bleeding on her brain. The doctors told my parents they were surprised that she survived because most elderly people who experience such a fall do not survive. Though she lived, her life was never the same, and much of my grandma died with that fall. Her brain was injured, and she was never able to take care of herself again because of very limited physical & mental capacities. I can only imagine how this tortured my most private and independent grandma.

Over the last year and a half of her life we would visit her in a home where she could receive 24-hour care. It was a hard time, but a good experience for my little family as we would visit her and feel of her spirit, even though most of the time she didn't appear "to be all there". During those visits you never knew what grandma might have to tell you, and you had to be up for a little bit of an adventure. The brain can certainly do some curious things. During one visit grandma wanted me to join in on a poker game that she was "playing" (while bedridden) with some other ladies (who I couldn't see). It was tough to convince her that I couldn't play because she just "knew" I was a really good poker player & could help her beat these girls! So - even though it was difficult to carry on much of a conversation with grandma during that time of her life, I know that she knew who we were & she was thankful for our presence. I am glad that my children could be around her, even in such a limited way.

Yes - I have been thinking a lot about my grandma. I miss her. I am thankful for the opportunity I had a week ago this past Saturday to do some work on her behalf in the temple. This was a very personal and very spiritual experience for me. I know that she was near, and almost felt that she was taking care of me in a way, while I was "taking care of her". It is something I certainly cannot explain in words, but a very distinct feeling. Our family will be together soon to finish the work that was started, and it will be a glorious day, I am sure. It is a privilege to go to the temple for someone so close to you - I know that many do not have this opportunity, and I am thankful I did. I feel blessed to know that our family relationships can last beyond this short life & one day we will pick up where we left off . . .